


Faith

by Janeway_74656



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 14:04:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15887526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janeway_74656/pseuds/Janeway_74656
Summary: Scully has been forced to give up William. How will she carry on?





	Faith

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to @agentwhalesong for the beta!

The beginning of the end was a phone call.

That call plunged them into a world of lies, deceit, and danger.

It took the love of her life away, the possibility existing that she would never see him again.

After Jeffrey Spender's attack on her son, she realized that she must sacrifice her happiness for his safety.

William was her last remaining link to Mulder, his father. And now he was gone, too.

Dana Scully opened the door to her apartment. After signing William over to the adoption agency, she had wandered the city on foot for hours. She didn't want to go home. Home was where they were happy. Home was where they were a family.

As she walked in, she could still smell it. A mixture of slightly sour milk and baby shampoo, a scent that was distinctly William. She realized then that her arms were empty. No car seat and diaper bag to lug in, no singing, "Joy to the World," no pointing to the pictures of Mulder on the end tables by the couch and explaining to William that Daddy would be coming back soon. She didn't bother turning on the lights. It wouldn't do anything to cast out the darkness that had settled into her soul.

She shut and locked the door behind her. The streetlights outside cast shadows across the furniture, the breeze rippling the curtains ever so slightly. She leaned back against the door, her head hitting it noisily just below the peephole. She looked around at the place she and William had called home for ten months. Except now, it was just her.

Scully could feel a vast emptiness open up inside her. She didn't even bother trying to be strong. The tears poured from her eyes like an endless rain, sobs shaking her to her core. She slid down the door into a heap. 

Why? she kept asking herself. Why did this have to happen to me? Mulder and his goddamn X-Files. That was why. If she had told Blevins from Day 1 that this wasn't the assignment for her, she'd be whole. She'd have her fertility, maybe a future with someone else, maybe kids of her own, who knows?

But she wouldn't have Mulder. She wouldn't have William. That was ultimately what it came down to. Everything in her life and her career was so she could have a future with Mulder. And that was something she wouldn't have traded for anything. Many women never get the experience of finding the love of their life, or carrying and birthing a child. She should be grateful, right?

Except all of those things had been ripped away from her. Stolen.

Still crying, Scully got to her feet. She wandered aimlessly. Nothing felt like the right thing to do. What does one do when they've lost both their child and their soulmate?

She found herself in William's bedroom. Her hands glided over the smooth wood of the crib, the little creatures of his mobile dancing slightly in the breeze from an open window. In the corner of the crib was a little stuffed alien that Mulder had bought for him before he was born. As though it were made of glass, she gingerly picked it up, running her fingers over every detail of the little creature, trying to let her fingers memorize every stitch, every color variation. She had done the same thing just before handing William over to the social worker, running her hands over his tiny body, studying every detail of his little scrunched-up face. She wanted to remember everything. 

Just as she had done when Mulder disappeared and she had slept in his bed, she laid down next to the crib on the soft carpet. Her tears had subsided, replaced by a dull ache that filled her very soul. She clutched the little alien to her chest, her last tangible reminder of the two most important people in her life. She wasn't sure what else to do, so she began to talk out loud.

"Why, God? Why would you do this to me? Why would you give me my true love and a son, and then take them away? This isn't fair! It's not FAIR! WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER? WHY AM I NOT ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY?"

By now, she was shouting. Her faith had always been such an integral part of her life, but now it seemed like this was all just a cruel joke.

"I love that little boy! I love his father! Why am I being punished? I've trusted you my whole life, and this is what I get in return? Well, FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN PLAN! NO ONE DESERVES THIS MISERY! NO ONE!!!" she screamed.

Furiously, she ripped the cross from her neck. The tiny chain snapped. leaving a thin red welt. She flung the tiny charm across the room. She just didn't care anymore. Why does a loving God allow bad shit to happen, especially to her? Her abduction, cancer, losing everyone she ever loved…It just wasn't right. She sobbed, her tears punctuated with loud wails of sadness and anger. It seemed like hours before she was able to regain control of herself. 

Curled up on the floor, Scully's emotional and physical exhaustion began to take over. She slipped into a restless slumber, her tears drying in her hair. 

She could feel a warmth begin to radiate to her fingertips. Opening her eyes slowly, she saw the room was bathed in a beautiful, soft, white light. This light was full of joy and love.There was no trace of darkness anywhere. 

It was then that she saw him.

Mulder. Holding their son securely to his chest.

She sat up, not believing her own eyes.

Mulder smiled and crouched down to meet her gaze.

"Hey, G-woman," he said. His voice was beautiful, like heavenly music.

Scully couldn't take her eyes off him, or their son. "Mulder?" she finally whispered, hardly believing that it was herself speaking.

"The one and only."

"Wha-what's happening?"

He shrugged. "You tell me. It's your vision."

How was the this possible? Was she dead? Were they dead? She slowly reached out and touched her son's hand. He was warm, his happy gurgles and smiles taking away a little of Scully's sadness. "Oh, my baby boy," she breathed. Her eyes returned to Mulder, and he smiled.

"Scully, I promise, it's going to be okay. I know things seem really bleak right now, but you have to trust me. Someday, I'll find my way back to you, and so will William."

Scully's blue eyes shone even more in the heavenly light, brimming over with tears. "But…I need you, Mulder. I don't know if I can go on without you."

Mulder reached out and touched her face. His warm touch felt electric, and she turned her cheek into his palm and closed her eyes, hardly daring to breathe. "Don't give up. On me, on William. I promise, we’ll be together again." 

He leaned in close to her, his cheek touching hers and his breath warm and gentle against her ear. "And remember that I love you, Dana. We both do. So much. Lean on that right now," he whispered. His lips found hers, and they shared a soul-shattering kiss. Scully never knew such a love could exist between two people.

Her eyes snapped open to the dark nursery. She was still curled up on the floor, clutching the little gray alien to her chest. Had that all happened? Was any of that real?

Slowly, she sat up, scanning the room, as though she was looking for anything to validate her experience. She felt something cold bump against her chest. Reaching down, she found a small metallic object.

Her cross. 

It was there, in one piece, as though she had never removed it. 

Slowly, she got to her feet. Mulder and William's faces were still burned into her memory. "Don't give up," he had said. He had said that once before. "Never give up on a miracle."

She had to believe that this was her miracle. This was her sign from God that He had heard her, and that He had it all under control. 

Scully knew, in that moment, that she would be okay. This was going to hurt, and it was going to take a lot of time, but she was going to wake up tomorrow, put one foot in front of the other, and keep going. 

For William. For Mulder.


End file.
